My mom recently passed along an article to me focussing on coconut water as a natural hangover cure. I did a case study on my own body after a tough Blackhawks playoff game and several unfortunate icing incidents and let me tell you, coconut water in the morning: the real deal.

Coconut Water: The Natural Hangover Elixir
by Lizzi Loraine
Coconut Water is a natural fat free drink and has the ability to rehydrate your body, besides providing you some necessary minerals, such as potassium and sodium. Coconut water has no artificial additives and contains significant amounts of electrolytes, while being low in food energy. Coconut water is therefore not only a very refereshing drink, it has proved to be the best natural hangover cure.

Coconut water is the liquid found inside young green coconuts and differs from coconut milk. As the coconut matures, this liquid gets absorbed into the nut’s flesh. Coconut water is a popular drink in tropical regions, such as Tropical Asia and Trinidad and Tobago. It is found and sold in Central America on strategic highway stops and beaches. In this region coconut water is called “agua de pipa.”

The various minerals and healthy bacterial present in coconut water enable our body to recover from rigorous exercise, making this drink far superior to other sports drinks. Fresh cocunut water also helps in digestion, optimizes muscle performance, boosts our immune system and blood circulation, besides helping maintain body temperature.

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It was around midnight on Sunday when it hit. The pain rolled in like a permanent thunderstorm. It was the second to last tooth on the bottom right of my mouth. I’ve had stitches in both of my eyebrows, the center of my palm after an accident with a trip-wire garden hose and a Coca-Cola Classic bottle, my leg, my finger, and 3 broken ankles. The combined pain of all of those things does not compare to the throbbing that took over my mouth that night.

I tried every homemade remedy I could find online in the middle of the night. Salt water. Apple cider vinegar. Vodka. Vanilla extract. Whole cloves. Dried peppermint. Peppermint tea. Fresh sliced lemon. Onion. A pound and a half of Ibuprofen. Pinching ice between my thumb and forefinger to confuse the nervous system. Anything. Nothing.

The next day I attempted to schedule a dentist appointment. The earliest they could fit me in was 10AM Wednesday. One more night like last. Sleepless. In constant pain. I figured out that even though my tooth was sensitive to cold, ice would freeze the nerve and give me 30 to 45 seconds of peace. It also meant by night two I had to sip ice-cold water at least once a minute to keep the relentless stab and sting within my mouth at bay.

There is no way to sleep if one has to sip water every 30 seconds. I knew I wouldn’t sleep much but I had to figure out something because I had been awake for around 40 hours at this point. My mouth needed to be constantly cold to fall asleep. One can’t just put an ice cube on a gum and call it a night…it’ll melt in 30 seconds. So I rummaged through the freezer.

I found a package of frozen pierogi. If you don’t know what pierogi are you’re missing out. They’re Polish dumplings stuffed with cheese, or potato, plum, meat, sour krout, you name it. They’re fried in butter and are really good for you. I opened the package, individually wrapped the pierogi in plastic sandwich bags, lined them up on my bedstand, and popped one in my mouth. The frozen pierogi would keep my tooth cold for about 15 to 20 minutes at a time. I would sleep until they defrosted on my tongue. The pain would return, I’d wake up, and pop the next one in, getting sleep for 20 minute intervals.

They held the pain at bay long enough for me to get at least minimal sleep until I got to the dentist. They performed an emergency root canal and now I’m good to go. I slept 12 Wednesday night with a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day. My tooth thanks my mom for making us Polish. Moral of the story…pierogi are God’s gift to the mouth. In good times and bad.

A few months back I posted a story by Ed Gavagan from The Moth Podcast. “Drowning on Sullivan Street” explained to us how a city could save a man’s life. The story I’m posting today is also from The Moth Podcast and is told by Comedian Mike Destafano. It is entitled “The Junkie & The Monk.” The Cure For Your Ales attempts to bring you questions, stories, allegories, and answers in regards to feeling better and moving on. Here we will explore spirituality in attempt to find some peace in a world that can really beat you bloody sometimes.

Our friends over at R U Pissed? gave us this hangover remedy recommendation…Peanut Butter, Honey and Banana Sandwiches.

“Bananas – Sugar in the form of fructose, and potassium…is one of the things you lose lots of when you drink. Bananas are also a natural antacid to help with nausea, and are high in magnesium which can help relax those pounding blood vessels causing that hangover headache. For a variety of reasons try a peanut butter, honey and banana sandwich on white bread.”

Our other friends over at Egoeccentric have provided us with this free hangover mixtape entitled “Peanut Butter, Honey and Banana Sandwich” from the egoeccentric hangover mixtape series. Download it here…

When I was in junior high I saw an episode of “Full House” in which Rebecca, Uncle Jesse’s boo, had a pimple the day of their wedding. DJ told her to put toothpaste on it and it worked. For some reason this always stuck with me much like many lessons I learned from the show (eating disorders, racism, jealousy, stand-up comedy, and motorcycle safety just to name a few).

Last night before I went to bed I put colgate on a pimple and said in the mirror, “Here’s to you Rebecca.”

This morning that pimple…totally dried up son!

True story. The only side affect is that I look like this now:

Ain’t no way to explain or say
How painful the hangover was today
In front of the toilet, hands and knees
Trying to breathe in between the dry heaves
My baby made me some coffee
Afraid that if I drink some it’s probably coming right back out me
Couple of advil, relax and chill
At a standstill with how bad I feel
I think I need to smell fresh hair
So I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
The sunlight hit me dead in the eye
Like it’s mad I gave half the day to last night…

Yesterday I went to Chicago’s MayFest. The sun burnt my nose, the pretzels filled my belly, the Hirschgarten made me happy. I don’t eat meat so I unfortunately could not take down some shnitzel to soak up all the delicious spirits. Pretzels and krout just don’t do the work a giant sausage does. If you know what I mean.

The thing about drinking giant steins of beer on a 90 degree day on a somewhat empty stomach is that it becomes incredibly easy to replace the water in your body with nothingness. Dehydration is dangerous. It can lead you to mornings like the one I just had.

Here’s what fixed me…
-1 multivitamin
-1 giant stein full of ice cold water
-1 hot shower
-13 push-ups (don’t over do it)
-1 Grilled Cheese For Champions w/side of potato salad

Here’s the recipe for my Hangover Grilled Cheese for Champions:
-2 thick slices of delicious sourdough
-fresh basil
-pesto
-roma tomato
-mozzarella & provolone

Drizzle just a little olive oil on each side of the sandwich and throw it in the George Foreman for about 5 minutes. Both you and the sandwich will be golden.

Now I feel like a champion and I’m ready for Division Fest today.

Hangover Remedy: Yoga Edition

You do not have to
string lights across your dresser
and shelves but it helps.

Hangover Remedy: Bistro Edition

I had the worst and best luck when I turned 21. Bartenders had recently figured out that combining licorice liqueur and energy drinks chalk full of bull testosterone made kids like me super awesome. Luckily, I didn’t start work the next day until noon. I worked at a little Italian bistro owned by an adorably stereotypical Italian family who had been in the business of serving the most amazing food for over 30 years. They were good to me…so good that I picked up this little number from the eldest daughter Nadia. Make yourself a nice fresh double espresso from an imported bean. Twist an entire half of lemon, no sugar, no cream, and down that shit like a shot of Jaeger. You’ll A: Throw up all over the cannolis you were filling or B: Get a strange burst of uncomfortable energy. Either way you’ll feel better and be able to move on with your day.

On a side note, Nadia also makes a mean homemade lemoncello.